Sentimental sentiment. I drank a lot of coffee today. Genuine friendliness. Gen-u-wine? I want to be missed. I sneak outside, release a stream, take in the sky, the stars, they gleam. A customer at work asked for a pop, instead of a soda, and by golly if it wasn't the most refreshing thing I've heard all week. I was on the verge of crying nine times today. Nine times. Am I making any sense? Do I sound sincere? Is this poetic or pathetic? Every single subtle moment, it mesmerized me. Am I a creep? Everything I felt was real, but what does that even mean? Forget hygiene. How do I say I think our hearts have a lot in common? Heh, oh yeah, I just say it.
I spend a decent part of each day daydreaming about different ways id rather be spending my life. Or should be. I should be licking clouds or something. I want to bathe in a tub of black coffee. I wanna go swimming in the earth. I want to give snack cakes away to people on the street. I want to go street skating in Rosiclare, Illinois, then fall asleep to the sound of my grandfather watching M*A*S*H. I wanna sit by the oak tree with you. I want to belt out Edwin McCain's "I'll Be" to you at our reception with the wedding band behind. Haha, nah, we don't have to get married. All I really wanna do is dance to cassettes in our kitchen while we cook breakfast. That's it.
I'm so twisted up on the inside you don't even know. My grandma told me that once. And I'm not sure my other grandma even remembers who I am anymore. She also told me that she's tired of living. How should I respond to that? Yeah, me too, grandma. Me too. How should I spend my time? I don't know, but laying here in the dark; this is pathetic. I don't remember when I started saying I love you to friends, but I want you to take some time now and think about the things you'd truly miss if you... It shouldn't be difficult to harness your best and value life, but whether or not you wanna live, your body gives. Whether or not you wanna live, your body gives.